Hi everybody. Sorry for not posting in so long, but we have had many things going on in our household. We bought a house this month, and have been busy with the closing and with making the house truly “ours” by painting and making preparations to add a sun room. It has been a wonderful and busy experience for the entire household.
We have also had some sickness in the family–my mother in law had a heart attack and had to have a triple bypass. Things were complicated by the fact that she is also diabetic. So needless to say, it has been a little hectic lately. Work has been busy as well for both me and my wife. It is hard to sit down and try to write when you come home dead tired from work. Usually, all I want to do is sit down and watch TV–and most nights that is what I do. But lately, it has not been that gratifying for me. I feel restless and unhappy, and am not quite sure what to do to make it all better. I have gained some weight, and am thoroughly dissatisfied with myself, my job, and what I have become.
How does one find the motivation when it is hard to muster up any enthusiasm for doing anything? I feel like I have let myself down and my wife down. I used to be able to be the motivator but lately it is hard for me to motivate myself to do anything. I have been having bouts of deep sadness and frustration. And it all stems from my low self image at the moment. I don’t really feel pretty or worth anything right now. I know my family loves me, but I feel like I disappoint them in many ways. I’m not as attentive as I should be sometimes, and I find myself not being the kind of friend, family member, and wife that I should be. I am bad at taking things, situations, and people I love for granted sometimes. It is depressing. And my own fault. So now that I have noticed this, I need to make it right.
So, what am I going to do to turn this around and be the kind of person that my wife, family, and friends need me to be? I am going to make a conscious effort to be a more attentive and loving partner, and make an effort to spend QUALITY time with my loved ones instead of QUANTITY time with them. I will do my best to show them more often how much I love them and need them in my life. AND I am going to try to appreciate myself more and improve my health by doing some sort of exercise daily, whether it be at work or at home. I will take the stairs at least three times a day at work–even if I have no need to go upstairs. I will use the stationary bicycle at home as well. I have got to make a better effort to improve my physical and emotional health so that I can be the person my family needs me to be. Wish me luck!